the secret to female friendships
A friend posed a question on Facebook and asked about some of the characteristics that a friend should NOT have. A few replies were posted, varying from jokes to serious statements. I jokingly stated (though meaning every word) the "traits" that a good friend should NOT have:
1) A friend should not have the "liar liar pants on fire" trait.
2) A friend should not have the "I don't want that guy unless you do" trait.
3) A friend should not have the "only thing I can text, email, mood update and chat about is a guy if the guy is not a nice guy" trait. (If the guy is great, then some chat is justified).
4) A friend should not have the "I love you unless any random guy comes around then all friendships get tossed to the back of the stove" trait.
5) A friend should not have the "I have no real idea what a friendship is and I don't value it anyway so we are 'super pals' based on, I dunno, alcohol consumption only" trait.
There are so many more that can be added to the list; I happen to choose these as I find that they are the most recurrent among women in and around my age group (21-30). The easiest way for two women to destroy a friendship is by either/both of the parties engaging in any/all of these behaviors. Also, women should avoid the term "real friend" as it is redundant; a friend can only be real and anything else is something else. For some women friendships are lifelines, for others they are punch lines. Perhaps ev en undesired.
So then the question arises: Are friendships even necessary? As C.S. Lewis writes: "Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...it has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." The secret to female friendships (and other ones) is in the value that friendship gives to survival. Certainly everyone doesn't desire friendship and many are unable to maintain them. But for those who do, the true value is in the emotional reciprocity...the laughs, tears and smiles of a common bond formed by a selected sisterhood.
