Although I wish I wrote these hilarious ten items below, I cannot take credit. My incredibly funny sister, who like me, has had some interesting experiences by having a Facebook personal profile, wrote this post. (I specify profile because I enjoy having a Facebook page for business always; the personal profile evokes a range of emotions…)

10 Types Of People Not Needed On Your Facebook Friends List

1) Supervisors

2) Ex's

3) New partners of those Ex's

4) Random people you actually do not know

5) Co-workers with no life

6) Co-workers with no life that aren't happy with self

7) Co-workers with no life that aren't happy with self or at home

8) Co-workers with no life that aren't happy with self or at home and verbally comment about your updates the next day at work

9) Nosey people who add you, but never speak

10) Last, but not least: ANYONE THAT COMMUNICATES WITH AN ENEMY OF YOURS

I advised her that if all categories are met, most people will have 4-5 people on their friends lists. Maybe that is not such a bad thing…

I like Twitter for interacting with strangers who have similar interests. In some ways, this is preferable to Facebook where a faint acquaintance may confuse a “friend request” or being on a friends list as a real relationship with genuine depth. Twitter users seem to understand their place in a person’s life, and actually cherish it—as a fellow twitter user and tweetheart who shares info and laughs 140 characters at a time.  

Related Blog Posts: friends lists ≠ friendships, let's be friends, or else, the constitution of the united users of facebook

Loading mentions Retweet

I just viewed some of the most emotional and beautiful photography that I have seen in a while. It is a project called The True Love Project by photographer Zach Seckler. In this project, Zach utilizes the skills of three hypnotists, Joel Elfman, Eunice Halstead and Marc Carlin to hypnotize his subjects allowing them to focus on feelings of love. The emotion that he wanted to portray through his artwork was love. He stated that he could ask the client to be happy or say cheese, but he wanted to photograph the emotion of love, in its truest sense, instead having the subject try to show love.  Some thought of romantic partners; others thought of family members. 

Below is a behind the scenes video of the hypnosis and photo shoot. You can view the photographs from the project here.

Loading mentions Retweet

In the last few weeks, I have read a few blog posts about friendship, social media and rejection. One blogger mentioned how she couldn't wait to become a parent in order to have friends (other parents) as it would force her into friendships. Force? From what I have seen, parenthood often leaves people with little time to build friendships although they may chat with other parents about each other's kids. Friendships need more than small talk to survive. Knowing other people in similar roles does not automatically generate a friendship. As with any other real connection, it takes work. 

Another blogger referenced the CNN article "Defriending Can Bruise Your 'Digital Ego'" and asked people how do they cope with rejection. The article states that people can be more hurt by online rejection than in person since people are usually polite in person. It is true that some people are ruder online; one look at the comments on a YouTube video or CNN's political ticker confirms this. However, online comments with insults are much different than someone clicking "remove from friends." I would agree that tons of insults fired at a person online could hurt their feelings. However, all online activity isn't the same. It seems as if the article is comparing the general nastiness online to removal from a friends list/denial of a friend request. That comparison is unbalanced. 

In the article, a person with more than 500 connections on LinkedIn felt rejected and disappointed over 1 person declining her request. She already had more than 500 connections on LinkedIn, but apparently that is not enough.  Perhaps since LinkedIn is for business, the more connections the better, but quality connections matter as well. Aren't the recommendations and referrals one of the major points of this site? Isn't a person more likely to get positive referrals from people who actually want to interact with them? People I know who use LinkedIn use it for business and have no extreme personal expectations when seeking a new connection. I would reach to say that this would be the same for Twitter as it is acceptable that strangers follow and unfollow each other as well as chat with each other about shared interests. I can't imagine the personal expectations that exist for Facebook would extend to LinkedIn or Twitter, but for some, apparently it does. 

Another guy mentioned in the article had 1200 friends on Facebook and did not know 400 of them. He stated that he is a people person and likes when people like him. He seemed to perceive a friend request as the same thing as being liked and needed more to validate his likeableness. One of the first things that I have to remind myself (often daily) is that the word friend is used in many ways and has a variety of meanings for people. For some, the word friend clearly means the word enemy. For some, the word friend means someone that he/she has not been intimately involved with.  For some, the word friend means any other human being with a beating heart that accepts a friend request on a site so that as many friends as possible are on the list. I understand that the term is used casually and with different meanings. Facebook may have chosen to use that word because of its positive connotations. However, expecting a real connection and relationship with someone because a website calls them that word is another story.  A friendship is not achieved by adding someone to a list on a website, period. The problem is that friendships are viewed as disposable lists instead of real relationships.  

People do have genuine friendships (a redundant term since a friendship can only be real; anything else is something else) that cross over to the web.  If one my friends removed me from their friends list, I would want to know why since our histories and relationships are sufficient enough for me to desire an explanation. Again, I am not using the word friend with the meaning of any other human being that is not me. The correct term for that is people. I am not using it with the meaning of anyone that appears on any list on profiles that I have. I am using the word friends as in the people that I share values, experiences, ideals and hearty conversation with as we travel the road of life together. We have histories and experiences that have shaped and defined our relationships. Only then would I feel rejection if they removed me from their friends list. However, it would have more to do with the symbolism of that action in relation to our real relationships than a decreased number of people on my friends list or social media itself.  

Unlike those referred to in the article, I do not need email explanations from those who do not accept my friend requests and definitely not from those who decide to remove me from their friends list. The quality of the relationship itself will warrant if further contact is needed. If adults have self-esteem issues over rejection in relation to being denied friend requests or being removed from friends lists by faint acquaintances or strangers, social media or the person who rejected them is not the real issue at hand--they are.

I have not experienced rejection issues or a bruised digital ego in regards to social media sites. I am concerned about preserving the relationships with people (whom incidentally may or may not utilize social media) that really matter matter to me. Because I genuinely value relationships when the computer and phones are off, I have had very few instances where someone that really matters to me removed me from their friends list. I haven't felt phased by an acquaintance's decision to remove me from their friends list or deny a friend request. Social media is not to blame though; it is the vast differences in the definition of a friend and friendship and the range in thoughts of the value of friendships that existed long before the social media explosion.

Related Blog Posts: the secret to female friendships, the constitution of the united users of facebook, let's be friends, or else

Loading mentions Retweet

One of the most prominent pet peeves that I have is dealing with people who feel the need to give me advice. Now I admit, people do come to me for advice quite often. If a question is asked and I am knowledgeable on the topic, I will ask probing questions, see what the person is looking for and provide a suggestion that I think is valuable. One of the keys to giving advice is knowing when a person actually wants it. I know people who call me to complain, often daily, and they do not want advice. Even when they are fortunate enough to have a problem with a clear solution, they ignore it and continue to complain. At those times, I realize that the person only seeks to vent and get the thoughts out of their head. They are not seeking a solution nor will implement one in the future. This is fine as it tests my listening ability and that is an area that I seek to improve upon. 

However, my concern is that I constantly receive unsolicited advice from people who are not knowledgeable on the topic that I may be dealing with. The key word in that sentence is unsolicited. I often do not discuss any problems that I have and if I do discuss them, it is usually with only two people in my life. However, other people in my life, some I care about and some that I wish to never hear from again (both extremes) continue to give advice in areas they do not have a clue about. When I say they do not have a clue about it, I mean both the topic in general and the topic in how it relates to me.  

Two of these areas are relationships and careers. In my life, I have rarely asked for relationship advice. I have chatted about past relationships to very close friends but otherwise I do not discuss it. I have never complained about being single and in fact, I feel fine with that. This is not one of the areas that I consider stressful or problematic at all in my life. Even when I was involved in a relationship, if there were hitches, they were rarely discussed with anyone but my boyfriend since I felt that the best way to solve a problem with him was to actually talk to him about the problem. However, people have felt the need to make assessments on my relationship status and even provide what they feel is advice. I find this both laughable and appalling since it appears that those with relationships that are generally considered dysfunctional are the ones wanting to provide advice. I often have to take a step back and realize that for them, the advice is not about me at all, but for them to 1) remove their own problematic relationship from the focus of attention 2) fulfill their need to feel useful and insightful.  

As far as careers are concerned, I think most Americans have to accept that they have no real clue as to what are the best methods to approach this. Even some of the people that are plastered on television are giving advice and tips that are not applicable to the current workforce issues or worse, are simply outdated. I find it hard to believe that any career website that is plastered with SPAM based jobs is also the websites providing advice on how to get a great career. Perhaps they should work on displaying better quality jobs. As far as careers on a personal level, I often deal with people who 1) have no idea about photography 2) never ran a business 3) have no business/consulting experience 4) have no clue about what I actually studied in school, my past work (traditional jobs, outside of photography) experience and what I have or have not done as far as exploring new opportunities in my field. Yet, I seem to be a magnet for unsolicited bad advice that is often vapid without any sense of true thought or planning from these same people.  

As I mentioned above, when I discussed relationships, often people who give unsolicited advice want to remove attention from their own problems and feel useful. People seem to have a need to feel insightful, even when they do not possess insight on a particular topic. This has always been troubling for me. I personally have never found pleasure in giving advice on topics that I know nothing about nor advising someone on anything without actually thinking about their problem in detail.  

So how do I deal with bad advice? Again, this is a pet peeve and a stressor for me. I have to take a step back each time and realize that their advice is often not about me. It is hurtful and troubling to have to deal with someone else's need for gratification, attention or feeling of usefulness when I have my own challenges and difficulties to deal with (that I do NOT ask for advice for) and frankly I find it unfair. I don't mind trying to make someone feel better, but at the exact moment that I may be tackling a difficult issue to have someone find out about it and feel the need to insert poor advice only because they need to fulfill their own needs is disconcerting. However, I am human like they are and realize that no one is an island unto himself or herself. Often dealing with another person's need for fulfillment means pain for me. What I do is say thanks for the advice. Remember, both no and thanks are complete sentences; no further statements other than thanks or no thanks is needed. I move on and try to focus on the good advice that I have received from people knowledgeable in the areas that I may have challenges in. I also try to work on well thought out solutions for these areas using both my own instincts and the good advice that I have received. Sometimes receiving constant bad advice becomes a problem within itself and this concession of thanking the people who provided it has to be made. Just think, that one "thanks" may quiet them so that you can have the silence to think about real solutions and the space and time to speak with people who are actually trying to assist you, not gratify themselves. This is not to say that humans are so selfless that some sort of gratification is not received by providing even good advice. If a person feels compelled to provide advice, helping the person should be primary gain; feeling gratified should be secondary. 

Related Blog Posts: stop coming and come on, introverts aren't shy; sometimes we just don't want to talk to you, the harris hypothesis

Loading mentions Retweet

On posts about mental health disorders, at the bottom of the post I'll refer to where it is specifically listed or generically referred to in the DSM-IV-TR, the manual used to diagnose mental disorders. 

Boufée delirante refers to a sudden outburst of agitated and aggressive behavior, marked confusion and psychomotor excitement. Boufée delirante is a cultural-bound syndrome. Cultural-bound syndromes are recurrent, locality-specific patterns of atypical behavior that may or may not be linked to any specifically diagnosable category in the DSM-IV-TR. The patterns of behavior are considered "illnesses" to those indigenous to the location where the behavior occurs and may be completely foreign to someone from another area/cultural group.  

3) The episode may resemble Brief Psychotic Disorder in the DSM-IV-TR. Brief Psychotic Disorder involves hallucinations, delusions, disorganized speech, or catatonic behavior.  

4) The episode will last at least 1 day but less than a month and the individual will return to normal functioning after the episode. The episode can occur with the onset of a stressor, without a stressor or within 4 weeks postpartum.  

5) Because of the acute onset, individuals can be hospitalized so that they may not harm themselves or others. Medication can be administered. 

6) As mentioned above, Boufée delirante resembles brief psychotic disorder. Personality disorders (Borderline, Paranoid, Histrionic, Narcissistic, or Schizotypal) can predispose the individual to the development of this disorder.  

7) Disorders like Boufée delirante occur more often in developing countries rather than developed countries.  

DSM-IV-TR - Glossary of Culture-Bound Syndromes, under Appendix I - Outline For Cultural Formulation and Glossary of Culture-Bound Syndromes  

DSM-IV-TR – 298.8 Brief Psychotic Disorder - under Schizophrenia and Other Psychotic Disorders   

Related Blog Posts – folie à deux, pibloktoq

This post is for informational/educational purposes only and should not be used to self-diagnose. No diagnosis of an individual is implied by any post. 

Loading mentions Retweet

I read a great post, The Hierarchy of Tweets - Analysing The Psychology of Twitter on a blog called The Innovation Diaries. The writer, Kevin Maguire, paralleled the subject matter of tweets to American psychologist Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs (proposed in the 1943 paper A Theory of Human Motivation). Maslow was a humanistic psychologist, or a psychologist that focuses on human potential/motivation instead of impulses and behaviors as psychoanalysts and behaviorists do, respectively. Maslow believed that motivation is driven by the existence of needs that are unsatisfied and created a hierarchal model to express the order in which needs would have to be met in order to ascend to the next level. He hypothesized that the ultimate goal for all humans is to self-actualize, or fulfill their potential.*

The connection that this post makes between Maslow's theories on what motivates people and how these motivations are expressed in our communication, albeit 140 characters now, is really insightful. Often what we tweet is what we think and feel. I think that anyone can get a general idea of who a person is and/or what is important to them after a full page of tweets (about 20 tweets on a web browser) or so, as well as a general concept of how the person thinks. However, man cannot live by Twitter alone, and there is more to a person than what they tweet, but the parallel is very fascinating and one of the most interesting applications of classic psychology to contemporary social media that I have read in a while. 

Click HERE to read the original post. 

*Later in his life, Maslow theorized that self-transcendence is a level beyond self-actualization. It involves being able to see beyond the scope of one's personal existence and having a certain amount of self-denial. It is full spiritual awakening and complete liberation from egocentric thought. He believed that very few people would ever achieve this.

Loading mentions Retweet

All of my close female friends have completed a master's degree or higher. For those who are attorneys and physicians, they have achieved what most schools consider a "terminal degree" and rarely speak of the pursuit of any additional education. Many of the attorneys ended up hating the practice of law and have found themselves teaching or working for other public/private organizations. My friends who are physicians are still in their residency programs. 

However, among my friends who have completed their masters' degrees, some which are considered terminal (friends with MBA degrees), and some which are not (i.e. mine is not terminal; psychology, criminal justice and many arts/sciences consider the PhD, not the master's degree as the terminal degree), we occasionally think about getting a doctoral degree. None of us really need it for our current careers (but could pursue other paths upon completion).* All of us remember the hell and stress that we endured in order to complete our masters' degrees. Graduate school is nothing like undergrad. Those who attended an academically notable high school like I did (Suncoast High School in South Florida), can attest to the fact that some of our high school courses (IB, AP) were actually more academically challenging than some undergrad courses. I barely flinched at my undergraduate graduation in '01. However, I was really emotional and choked up at my graduate school graduation in '08. I'm sure that this was due to the difference in the experience of the pursuit of those two degrees.

So despite the extreme stress of a full-time job*, adult responsibilities and full-time graduate school, or what our lives were like while working on our masters' degrees, why do we still think of the doctoral degree? I chuckle about this with my two best friends; one has a MBA degree and the other has a MS degree in Mental Health Counseling. The latter has already decided that she will not pursue a doctorate degree; she is a talented writer and is focusing her energy into her novel series and a potential writing fellowship. However, from time to time, my other best friend and I mention a doctorate as if we forgot what we went through in pursuit of our masters' degrees. The thought that I could easily forget how many times I stated that I am done with school and have had enough of formal learning makes me laugh. I do enjoy learning, in general, including: reading, self-teaching and experiential learning.  

I call these thoughts graduate school postpartum trickery. Every time I attend a graduation ceremony, even if it is for a baccalaureate degree for a friend or sibling, I always notice the doctoral students. They do look so so tired...so tired. Their parents/family seem so proud. When their names are called and the hooding ceremony commences, I get a little misty-eyed. I love the difference in doctoral graduate attire compared to baccalaureate and even master's degree attire (although the differences between the last two are notable as well). Anytime I read a graduation ceremony program, I always look at the doctoral students' dissertation topics and for a few, I check for online accessibility so that I can read them. 

Now I don't mean to be shallow when I mention these thoughts. I understand the academic rigor of a doctoral program and know of potential career paths available upon completion. The idea of advanced-level of research appeals to me and I can be slightly dweeby (I hide it behind really cool shoes and big earrings). I often discuss various potential dissertation topics with my friends and they advise me of their ideas for their own research. I am exceptionally aware of the costs and sacrifices involved in pursuing that degree. (The costs of the first three degrees were astronomical, especially the master's degree. *shivering*) I know that a degree (any degree really) doesn't guarantee a job--believe me, I know this all too well. Furthermore, in some ways, education has skewed my view of reality and can close doors instead of opening them (i.e. jobs, job searches, the "overqualified" stamp, wars with HR departments, issues within the recession etc.). In the classroom, I was treated as an equal regardless of race or gender. High performance and preparation were rewarded. However, that has rarely been my experience in the corporate workplace.* 

In general, I do focus on experiences themselves instead of just the end results as I mentioned in the previous blog post. But there is something about the graduation ceremony itself, the pride of the parents, the support of family and friends, and new doors/paths that can appear that add to the desire to pursue this degree. I would be lying if I said it was all about  academics and research and nothing else in relation to pursuing a doctoral degree. In this case, the end result does have a mystic beauty to it that cannot be denied. In a weird way, this reminds me of getting a tattoo. How is it that while you are getting a tattoo, it feels as if you are being murdered? However, once it sheds and heals after six to eight weeks, all you think of is the beautiful design that will be a part of you for eternity? Then you want a second tattoo, as if the first one didn't hurt. I have had this aforementioned experience as well. This isn't to say that pain alone should be a deterrent for a goal, but pleasure alone shouldn't be a motivator. The jury is still out on whether or not I will pursue a doctoral degree. I am taking my time with this decision and trying to enjoy the journey that is life in general. 

*My primary passion is photography. All that I have formally learned is really beneficial to the development of the photographer-client relationship (and probably explains why the 1-on-1 portraiture shoot is my favorite genre of photography). However, it is not always directly relevant to the actual science/art of photography itself--that, I study separately. I have worked outside of photography in corporate environments as well.

Related Blog Posts: "what's she gonna do, take my picture?", by any other name...

Loading mentions Retweet